So, I know some of you are wondering why would someone with anorexia would need to shed a few pounds? Well, the fact is, I do need to shed a bit of weight to be back into a healthy range, at least for me.
****** Please keep in mind, that everyone is different and that you should consult your doctor if you’re considering losing weight or before starting any kind of weight-loss plan, supplement or exercise plan.*****
The only time in my life I’ve gone long periods of time when I have not let anorexia take a hold on me is when I’m either trying to get pregnant or am pregnant. You know not even morning sickness and I get horrendous morning sickness triggers me. I think of pregnancy compactly differently than everyday life. To me it’s alright for me to gain weight and the morning sickness I just think it’s “for a good cause” so to speak.
I gained weight while trying to get pregnant and got pregnancy. I eat very healthy and am really conscience about what goes into my body, at least when I can eat. I’ve always tried to gain a little weight the healthy way pre-pregnancy, because I always knew it was best for me and the baby.
But the main reason I gained the weight is that since my husband returning from deployment the only way we can get pregnant is if we go the fertility route. Though the issue is on my husband’s side, unfortunately for me though even though my fertility is fine, it is on me to do all the rounds of fertility drugs and IVF drugs and I’m talking 72 injections per round!
With fertility drugs, though they often make me very nauseous even at times worse than morning sickness, which I have been hospitalized for. How it was explained to me by several specialists is part of the role of the drugs is to prep the body which triggers the body to store anything you take is stored often as fat. Between the weight gain from last IVF, all the moves in the past 3 years, an injury to my knee that only worsened a prior injured knee that now needs surgery again, the fact that I was electrocuted during a lightning strike and my back issues from the same event that originally screwed my knee up. I’ll be honest, I’ve let these issues be a bad excuse for not being as healthy and fit as I normally am.
For a brief time during the past 3 years I did think I could have a relationship with the parent, because I had moved away and had little contact with that parent during the time away. I thought I would see if things would be different and for the first call or two it wasn’t bad. However, I was wrong, even though I tried to not have contact again or at least I tried, but the calls came until we changed our phone number, the letters came, sadly I was tempted to read them, just hoping for an apology or at the very least some kindness, something you’d expect from a parent, but just as all the years as a child I was right back to that “bad” place again.
So, during our last move I was able to break contact pretty well, if a letter came I shredded it, if somehow call was able to come through I knew someone had to have leaked our number. I personally no longer tried to have any kind of relationship with this person as I know any kind of relationship was going to kill me one day literally and not just figuratively. I remembered back to the days CPC was called by some neighbors as well as the school when I was a child and I remember being so thin at times I was lucky to be alive, yet I still was told how fat I was on a regular basis.
During this time, I went back to writing and I said enough was enough, just because someone is your parent doesn’t mean they have the right to abuse you and let others abuse you. I already felt horrid about myself, like I have for so long and I knew I was going about losing the weight the wrong way and I no longer wanted to feel this way or let them have this kind of power in my life.
So fast forward 2 years to 2016, with all the challenges, losses of that year and the passing of that parent that for the first time I truly felt free. So, on Dec 31st I knew my resolution for the “New Year” would be to lose the weight the right way and healthy way, to feel good about myself and to finally heal. I wanted me back to be the me that I am during the good times or the times I wasn’t in contact with that parent.
I’m honestly not one for being so open, as I am a guarded person, but I know some of you have wondered why I needed to lose weight.
Hopefully, this will better explain my inspiration for this blog, this journey to weight loss, healthy and healing.
***** Please know what I share is based on my journey, I am in no way advocating anything, you must make decisions based on your life and on the advice of your physician especially when it comes to diet, weight loss or exercise*****